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Originally published in the Historic Nantucket, Vol 47, no. 4 (Fall 1998), p. 4-10
"The Bride Was
Tastily Dressed in White":
Nantucket Weddings 1665-1928
by Aimee E. Newell
HOW COULD WILLIAM WORTH AND SARAH Macy know what they would start when they became the first couple to be married on Nantucket soil on April 11, 1665? Little documentation remains to provide the modern islander with a description of that ceremony, but it is safe to assume that it was a simple wedding attended by friends and family, certainly quite different from many of the weddings taking place on Nantucket today. Most of the "traditional" wedding customs that are now familiar did not come into vogue until the mid-nineteenth century. The archival and decorative-arts collections of the Nantucket Historical Association include many documents, dresses, and wedding gifts from Nantucketers of the past. While the current boom in island weddings is unique to the late-twentieth century, the vestiges of romance and marriages past in the NHA's collections suggest that fancy celebrations are nothing new. The increasingly elaborate nature of marriage traditions mirrors the societal changes taking place on Nantucket as the island's major industry changed from farming to whaling to tourism.
Although William Worth and Sarah Macy can claim to be the first couple to have a Nantucket wedding, another seventeenth-century couple lays claim to the most famous Nantucket wedding: Mary Gardner and Jethro Coffin's. Often compared to Romeo and Juliet, Jethro and Mary lived a far less tragic life. Like the Montague and Capulet families, the Gardners and Coffins feuded for many years (over a political dispute concerning voting rights) before their children fell in love. But that is where similarities to Shakespeare end. Although Jethro and Mary's attachment was not embraced by their families initially, in 1686 the couple was married and their parents worked together to provide a new house as a wedding gift. Legend has it that Gardner provided the land and Coffin provided the lumber, culminating in construction of what is today known as the "Oldest House." Still on its original foundation on Sunset Hill, the house is owned by the NHA and is a popular attraction for island visitors. Jethro and Mary went on to have six children while they lived in the house. In 1708 the family moved off-island to Mendon, Massachusetts, to pursue Jethro's lumber business.
During the eighteenth century and into the nineteenth century, the predominant religious sect on the island was the Religious Society of Friends, or Quakers. The Friends believed in a direct connection to God, without the formality of a clergy, which, in turn, extended to Quaker wedding ceremonies. Once a couple had obtained the permission of their parents, the women's meeting on the island was responsible for determining the readiness of the two for marriage. This process included verifying that the couple's parents were in agreement, that the prospective bride and groom were free from other entanglements, and that they were in good standing in meeting. The couple then appeared in person twice at both the women's and men's meetings. Once all of the conditions were met, the wedding day was selected and the couple went to the meetinghouse and stated their vows to each other. Quakers undertook marriage on equal terms with neither person promising obedience to the other, as the London Yearly Meeting declared that couples should have "no rule but love between them." After the vows and a short period of silence, perhaps with prayer or preaching also, the marriage certificate was brought out and signed by all present.
The Nantucket Quaker marriage of Obed Macy and Abigail Pinkham seems to fit that pattern. Young Quakers were free to choose their own mates, as was the case with Obed and Abigail. Obed described their courtship in a posthumous biographical sketch about his wife, "[Abigail] came here on a visit in 1785. After tarrying here some months she contracted a matrimonial acquaintance. ..." Obed, who later would write a history of Nantucket, "contracted" this "matrimonial acquaintance" by proposing with a poem:
A long consideration
Of the good reputation
Thou hast in this nation
Gives me an inclination
To become thy relation
By a legal capitulation
And if this my declaration
May but gain thy approbation
It will lay an obligation
From generation to generation
On thy friend
Who without thy consideration
May remain in expectation.
Obed's poetry obviously did the trick, because the couple's marriage certificate is in the NHA's Stackpole Library, dated February 2,1786.
Handwritten in ink on a single sheet of paper, the Macys' marriage certificate names the bride and groom, their parents, the date and location of the wedding, and includes the signatures of twenty-six witnesses at the bottom. The first paragraph affirms the approval of the island's monthly meeting, Obed and Abigail "appearing clear of all others, and having consent of parents and relations concerned." The second paragraph includes the vows that the couple took, "Friends I take Abigail Pinkham to be my wife, promising through divine assistance to be unto her a loving and faithful husband until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us." Abigail's vow is also transcribed, following the same form, but inserting Obed's name as her husband. Like Jethro and Mary Coffin's union, the Macys' marriage seems to have been successful. As Obed described it, the couple "livd together in the utmost harmony and true love 56 years, 8 months and 21 days . . ." despite the pain of losing four children in infancy.
The most frequent obstacles to marriage during the eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries were religious differences and lack of parental approval. The Religious Society of Friends required a formal procedure where such issues were discussed and verified. Yet, prospective brides and grooms of other denominations also had to struggle to gain approval. For example, Eliza Mitchell tells us the story of Phebe Gardner and the Reverend Phineas Fish in her handwritten "Reminiscences." Phebe's family was Quaker, "among the first for respectability," and Mitchell tells us that Phebe herself was "a lady of culture, and fine mind." Phineas was a Unitarian minister, so Phebe converted, to the dismay of her parents. However, they must have become reconciled to the marriage, for Mitchell includes a verse Phebe wrote as a letter to her pastor, the Reverend Seth F. Swift,
"Will Brother Swift + Sister V.
with Phebe sip a cup of tea /
On Thursday next approaching. And Brother,
wilt thou condescend /
To prove a true, + faithful friend,
In joining two together /
And Sister, she shall have her wish, and
see me march forth a fish /
In spite of stormy weather. And now to add
another verse, /
I only wish that father Pierce [sic] might a witness be,
But still, I find his heart inclines,
To banish me among the Pines /
Of far famed Marshpee [sic]. "
The couple married on September 20, 1820, and relocated to Mashpee where the Reverend Mr. Fish had a congregation. The couple had three children: William H., Sarah M., and their middle child,-George G., who became a well-known island artist.
Not all island marriages turned out quite so happily. Amidst the many wedding certificates, a document preventing marriage can also be found in the NHA's manuscript collection. On August 27, 1821, Josiah Hussey and Zaccheus Hussey, two justices of the peace, filed a paper preventing the marriage of William Hogg [Hodge] and Betsey Ray, based on the objections of William Gribben, a Nantucket bookseller. Gribben filed his reasons with the town clerk, and the justices of the peace summoned Hogg and Ray for questioning. The document tells us that William Hogg appeared before the justices, but to no avail, for the Husseys upheld the prohibition of the marriage for the reasons given by Gribben. Unfortunately, Gribben's reasons for opposing the marriage are lost and no further information appears in the vital records regarding the lives of William Hogg, Betsey Ray, or William Gribben. It seems unlikely that the dispute concerned family disapproval, so perhaps Gribben felt he had a prior claim on Betsey's affections.
As these examples from the seventeenth, eighteenth and early-nineteenth centuries show, there was a great deal of community and family involvement in the decision of who could marry whom. On Nantucket this was due, in part, to the prevalence of the Quaker religion and its formal procedure for approving marriage. Also, the patterns of farming life necessitated a different kind of home life than we experience today. Most couples worked at home together. While they pursued different sets of tasks each day, they were in the same place, relying on each other to do their part. In this context, weddings were a brief diversion. Only a little time could be spared from farming activities to spend on a wedding celebration. The wedding itself was almost a formality, the arrangements and agreements having been worked out between the families and the religious community long before the ceremony.
Shortly before the turn of the nineteenth century, lifestyles began to change, both in America as a whole and on Nantucket. A more commercial, urban way of life started to develop. While Nantucket did not experience the same kind of industrial growth as the mainland, the flourishing whaling trade certainly had the same effect on island life. As men left home for longer and longer periods at sea, women were left behind to look after domestic matters. These circumstances enhanced the evolution of "spheres" of home and work, with women in charge at home and men out in the world at work. On Nantucket, the "home sphere" took on a larger context compared to the rest of the United States. With husbands away for long stretches of time on whaling voyages, wives not only looked after their dwelling space, but took care of on-island finances and legal matters, when necessary. Many women even ran their own businesses in order to support their families at "home" while the men were out working the seas.
During this period, weddings became a way to display one's success and status. Couples could afford to spend more time away from home both to celebrate their wedding and even take a trip, as honeymoons became popular. By the mid-nineteenth century, there were fewer impediments to marriage from the community and the family. Since the community was excluded from the decision-making process, there was more interest in attending the actual ceremony to feel connected and show respect and interest. While these trends are seen on a national scale, weddings on Nantucket also changed. During the early nineteenth century, when the Religious Society of Friends began to lose its dominance, the whaling trade provided many islanders with substantial fortunes. The weakening of a formal religious approval process and the desire to show material wealth resulted in the display of elaborate wedding gifts and the printing of newspaper accounts of local weddings. The wedding ceremony became the focus of public attention, attracting more interest and requiring increasingly elaborate preparations.
Instead of divine guidance and the approval of religious authorities, Nantucketers began to turn to etiquette guides and popular magazines of the period to help plan their weddings. The Ladies Indispensable Assistant, published in 1853, offered advice on "Preliminaries for Marriage," stating, "According to the usages of society, it is the custom of the man to propose marriage, and for the female to refuse or accept the offer as she may think fit. There ought to be a perfect freedom of the will in both parties." However, the Assistant still recommended that the man "apply to her parents or guardians for permission to address her." For the shy man, the book even offered a section on "Popping the Question," complete with dialogue. Other guides offered advice on everything from wedding apparel and appropriate floral arrangements to recipes for the wedding cake.
By the 1850s, Nantucket weddings had become social events requiring extensive preparations. Correspondence between the daughters of Seth and Mary (Brown) Pinkham, now in the NHA's manuscript collection, shares news of the weddings of several of their younger siblings. For example, on " August 19, 1858, Elizabeth Crosby wrote to her sister, Malvina Marshall, "You no doubt want to hear all about Helen's Bridal, ..." referring to the wedding of their younger sister, Helen Pinkham, and Joseph Belcher. Elizabeth goes on to describe Helen's wedding outfit: "a plain brown silk tissue made low neck with a spencer cape a handsome thread lace in the neck — cape trimmed with a narrow box plaited ribbon the same shade of the dress — flowing sleeves ... white kid gloves watch and chain presented by her only brother — elegant I should have said." As the description of Helen Pinkham Belcher's wedding demonstrates, white wedding dresses were not the rule until much later in the nineteenth century.
By the 1870s, the shift toward white wedding dresses had begun. In 1877, the Nantucket Inquirer and Mirror's account of the wedding of Fannie McCleave and [John J. Gardner] described the bride's appearance as "tastily dressed in white, with lace veil, the whole being trimmed in smilax, while the groom appeared in a dress suit of black, with white vest. The couple presented a very handsome appearance." In 1887, when Florence Folger's wedding photograph was taken, her appearance seems to differ little from the formal portraits of many of today's brides. This dress, now in the collection of the NHA, allows us to imagine how exciting the day must have been for the bride. The newspaper account of the wedding also approved of Folger's dress, "The bride was handsomely attired in white corded silk, en traine, with tulle veil." Although most nineteenth-century wedding dresses were colors other than white, presumably so they could be worn more than once, they were still treasured heirlooms, judging from the number of wedding dresses in the NHA's collection. While a few are white, others are blue, gray, or brown. In the absence of family letters, like the Pinkhams', or written marriage records, like Obed and Abigail Macy's certificate, these dresses are an excellent source of information on Nantucket weddings of the past — showing us the style and taste of the period.
Like wedding dresses, wedding gifts also serve as a source of information on past Nantucket weddings. taken on i During the nineteenth century, giving a gift to the newly December 14,1887. married couple expanded from close family relations to extended-family members and friends. As community participation in approving the marriage dwindled, interest in the wedding ceremony increased. Giving a gift was a way to participate, signaling approval, and best wishes. On Nantucket, for her 1858 wedding, Helen Pinkham received gifts from most family members and some of her good friends. As Elizabeth Crosby related to Malvina Marshall, their sister "had splendid presents many of which were very unexpected . . . Mother gave her half dozen large spoons, [sister] Mary a cake basket . . . [sister] Rebecca a mustard spoon [sister] Harriet a white cashmere toilet set Lizzie a pair of jelly spoons Malvina Mitchell a little mat of her own make . . . Mrs. Belcher Joseph's mother an elegantly bound Bible marked Helen in gilt letters on the cover, ..." the list continues in the letter for another half page. However, in Elizabeth's next letter to her sister, she remembered to include a description of Helen's most fabulous wedding gift, "an elegant piano from Father Belcher (her new father-in-law)." While Elizabeth felt this was "truly suggestive and expressive of a welcome to his family," in just a few years many ladies' magazines would question the motives behind giving wedding gifts.
From the late 1870s through the 1880s, etiquette guides prescribed that the emphasis should be on the joining of the bride and groom, not on the display of status or wealth. Florence Howe Hall wrote in Demorest's Monthly Magazine in 1888, "One should never hesitate to send a present to a bride because one cannot afford to send an expensive gift . . . the simple ones — selected with care and taste, or wrought by the hand of a dear friend — are among those most prized by the recipients." However, in an 1887 newspaper account found in the NHA collections describing the wedding of Florence Folger to William A. Webster, the list of gifts and givers takes up more space in the column than the description of the ceremony. The newspaper unapologetically stated "The bride and groom were the recipients of many costly gifts," including a "beautiful ivory fan inlaid in gold." Obviously, the etiquette guides and women's magazines had a point in their concern for the overshadowing of the true meaning of marriage by the wedding gift table.
By the 1898 wedding of Mary Tracy and William Gardner, the newspaper account was confined to a description of the ceremony, noting that "The couple were recipients of many valuable presents from their friends." One of the presents was a silver pickle fork, in the collection of the NHA today. Given to the bride by Edmund B. Fox, it is engraved with Mary's new initials, "MWG," on the back of the handle and a fox engraved on the front to symbolize the giver. Fox was head of the Coffin School when Mary Tracy graduated as valedictorian of her class. Silver implements seem to have been the most popular type of nineteenth-century wedding gift. Through engraving, it was easy to personalize items for the occasion. Also, silver items were generally for use in the home, yet their monetary value made them special. Since wedding gifts were formally given to the bride and not the groom, domestic items that she could use and display in her home were especially appropriate.
By the Victorian era, romance captured the hearts of most Americans, particularly through the literature and art of the period, and Nantucketers were no exception. After the devastating fire in 1846 and the loss of a significant part of the population to the Gold Rush, the island entered a decline. The romance of wedding gowns and gifts, such as those described above, provided an escape from the dreary days on an island with a dwindling population. With the beginning of the twentieth century came Nantucket's rebirth as a tourist destination. Families began to return year after year and the beauty of the island made it a natural spot to celebrate marriages. The NHA's collection includes a beautiful wedding dress first worn in 1928 by Arline Preston, daughter of a summer family, for her marriage to Clark W. Bishop. As the newspaper reported, "'Sconset was the scene of a pretty wedding last Saturday morning at 'The Hedges,' the summer home of Mr. and Mrs. Horace G. Preston." Miss Preston's dress of "ivory satin and chiffon, trimmed with rose point lace" was custom-made at Bonwit Teller and the veil was brought from Italy. Before the dress was given to the NHA in 1987, it was altered and worn by four other young women in the family.
The wedding of Arline Preston and Clark Bishop is just one example of the burgeoning trend of island weddings. As the tourist trade picked up, people came to Nantucket on vacation or for a romantic weekend getaway. They viewed the island in a completely different way from the original Macy, Gardner, and Coffin settlers. While Mary Gardner and Jethro Coffin and Abigail Pinkham and Obed Macy married here because it was their home, Arline Preston and Clark Bishop, and countless others, married here because it was not home. Nantucket was a place of fond memories, as special a place in their hearts as their love for one another. The trend has continued to the present day when island churches are reporting a record number of weddings. Although a Nantucket wedding does not guarantee happiness, there are ample precedents, such as Mary (Tracy) Gardner who wrote to her husband shortly after their fifth anniversary in 1903: "Your love and cheerful spirit have made my life very rich and happy during the last five years dear Will and I truly wish I had been your sunbeam always and I mean to be very much more of one during the coming years."
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